2018

Last year, I had so many big goals. I had signed up for my first marathon. I was starting my last semester of college. I had turned in my law school application. I knew 2017 was going to be a big year, a year filled with hard work and finally, finally, finally the rewards.

So much of life is spent working towards those big goals. Finishing high school, finishing college, getting that promotion, buying that house, going on that trip. Sometimes, it feels as if you are a dog chasing a car and you don’t think you’ll ever catch one.

The big question, which haunts us all, is what are you going to do when you catch it?

After everything that happened last year, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself for those big goals I’m supposed to chase now. The only concrete one I have is to graduate from law school. That’s big and scary but it’s not going to happen in 2018. So the goal I have is to do well. It’s like miles 5-10 of a marathon. You’ve got some of it done but there’s still so much farther to go.

It’s this exhausted feeling of despair that is weighing me down and I think it’s part of why my runs have been suffering. I want to do so much, run another marathon, query for an agent for my book, get really good at doing my hair, get a dog, get a house, go somewhere I’ve never been before, and maybe get another dog.

But today, right now, all I can feel is the weight of all the work left to do.

If you’re feeling that way about New Year’s, I hear you. I see you. Let’s raise a glass (or a mug) to how far we’ve come and the journeys left to take. Then let’s drink and not take another step.

At least not for today and maybe not tomorrow, either. But one day, when we wake up feeling strong because we made it this far.

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